Earlier this month I was offered my old job back. They offered me part time, flexible schedule, and more than I was making when I quit. If they hadn't offered me more it would have been an automatic no, what I was making before would not have been enough to pay for daycare for two kids under two. I definitely won't pay to go to work. The new pay they offered would give me enough to basically break even with daycare.
It was one of the most difficult decisions I've ever had to make. Why? I miss my job. I love GIS and I don't get to do it anymore. I miss the adult interaction at work. I miss having distinct projects that have a beginning and an end. I miss the sense of accomplishment when I finish a project. I miss the appreciation and rewards that go with a job.
Being a mom is hard. I feel like I spend most of my time on stuff that never ends--dishes, laundry, cleaning, diapers--if I get anything done at all. There's not much of a sense of accomplishment. There's very little gratitude or appreciation. There are a lot of tears, the girls' and mine.
I'm fairly certain that this is my last opportunity to stay up with GIS. If I'm out of the field much longer I will be too far behind to get a job. That may have been the hardest part of all, just thinking that this is my last chance to do anything with my degree.
But I just can't stomach the idea of putting my children in daycare. I can't let someone else be the one to teach my children. I can't imagine missing the cute things they do and say because I chose to go to work when I didn't have to.
So I said no. It was so hard. When I got off the phone I sat down and cried. Cora walked over and gave me a big hug, then wiped a tear off my cheek. Right then I knew I made the right decision. I have to be here for the little moments like that.
15 comments:
Beautiful! Thank you for sharing that Meg.
you made the right choice.... just breaking even is definitely not worth not being there for all the cute things and fun firsts with your girls. I would hate to send my kids to a day care... you never really know what goes on there from day to day.
I am so glad that someone else feels like I do. I have had all the same emotions that you have had about staying at home. It is often such a thankless job, but worth it. I will be praying for you!
I hope you feel comfort in your decision. It's so hard to know what is right for yourself. Everyone is so different. I am sure later on the girls will appreciate your decision later on in life. And when they grow, you will probably appreciate it too. But it is true that the hardest job EVER is staying home with your children.
You are awesome. I will probably never have the opportunity to make that decision. So I'm glad that you went with your heart.
I don't know why people say being a Mom isn't a full time job. In the long run it is DEFFINATELY the most rewarding. My oldest is almost 9 and when other adults tell me what a good boy he is it just makes me so proud. He may have turned out the same in daycare, but I highly doubt it. I'm very proud of you, and glad to call you my friend. You made the right choice. Those girls LOVE their Mommy, and I don't think anyone else could do as good a job as you're doing.
I don't know why people say being a Mom isn't a full time job. In the long run it is DEFFINATELY the most rewarding. My oldest is almost 9 and when other adults tell me what a good boy he is it just makes me so proud. He may have turned out the same in daycare, but I highly doubt it. I'm very proud of you, and glad to call you my friend. You made the right choice. Those girls LOVE their Mommy, and I don't think anyone else could do as good a job as you're doing.
You made me cry - that last paragraph was so sweet! I also treasure my time with my children. It is a time of life that we will never be able to get back, and it goes by too quickly as it is. I can't imagine how quick it would go by if I couldn't spend the time with them!
I really appreciated what you said. All so true. I am glad I don't have to work but I do miss it sometimes.
It's funny because a few weeks ago we were going over life insurance stuff, updating, getting new policies, etc. and the agent was asking us what we wanted to do and in case something happened would I want enough to stay home on or would I want to go back to work, since he knows lots of woman who want to choose that option, and I sort of laughed and said, "I don't want to work, ever." And he looked a bit surprised and said, "really?" Spencer laughed and said, "Yep, really. Ariana loves being home and never wants to have to work." He then said, "well, I think that's very wise and sacrificing of you." You don't realize just how much of a sacrifice it is, anyway, I don't. But it is and we will most definitely be rewarded by it. Our kids deserve the best and the best is us. I hope you don't regret your decision, but I don't think you will. Thanks for sharing.
Good for you, Meg. You won't regret it. Just on the days when you'd give ANYTHING to get away for awhile... :)
Being a mom is SO hard. I'm so grateful for the joy I get from my children, because it makes all the difficulties so worth it.
What a nice post Meg. I don't know what you did for work before you had kids... I agree with you that the laundry and dishes never seem to be "done" they are always there the next day. It is nice to actually finish a project.
I was so sad when my oldest went to school, I felt that our time was growing shorter and I wouldn't be teaching him all he needed anymore, I think that going to work out of the home would be much the same feeling.
I agree with everyone. Such a nice post. I know it is a hard decision. I cried when I 'retired from nursing'. I loved it so much but I wouldn't trade the life I have at home with my children. Even the rough days. Oh... that is everyday!!
Probably my favorite post ever. There is nothing I want more than to do what you do every day. :) Maybe start with just ONE instead of two ... But you know what I mean. You are a great mama. Your little girls are so lucky to have you!
Oh Meg. Bless you forever!
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